Miracle of Miracles

Dear friends and family,

I have once again come to the conclusion that the power of prayer is extraordinary. I have also come to the conclusion that you have all just worked a miracle. After my desperate plea for prayer on Sunday night, I could feel the prayers of everyone very strongly. As I began my next shift that Tuesday, I felt as if a dense, poisonous fog had suddenly been lifted from me. The anxiety and confusion and struggle, that had spiraled completely out of control, were suddenly gone. I could sense that my preceptor was also at peace. Truly, from then on, over this last week and a half, it was a complete turn around from the previous month of complete struggle and confusion and banging our heads against a brick wall. In fact, I feel 125% better!

My manager had told me that this internship and new job would be a learning experience, not only about nursing, but particularly about myself. Indeed she was very right. As we made an appointment for my last evaluation, she told me that she wanted to discuss my “focusing problem,” and that I should think about the triggers and ways to deal with it. Yesterday, I had my last evaluation. Somehow through all of the struggle and frustration that my preceptor has had with me and all the terrible mistakes that I have made, she has managed to keep up some hope and give positive feedback. As we discussed the difficulties I was having, my manager also somehow turns things into a positive learning experience and help me discover ways to deal with things. Permission to be oneself is amazingly helpful.

More immediately important, I discovered, through a couple of patients that I took care of and some reading that I did on them, that I had a serious electrolyte imbalance which was causing serious cardiac arrhythmias, confusion, irritability, and memory loss. This exacerbated the difficulties I already had, but fortunately was easily corrected around the same time you all started praying for me. Someone also pointed out that I was probably under spiritual attack (now remedied by your prayers), and in retrospect I believe that to be true. A magnesium deficiency doesn’t lift suddenly in an instant like a fog. I’ve also come to the realizations that I hate the city and that, although I am enjoying (finally) my current position and learning a lot, Critical Care is probably not where I will remain for the duration of my nursing career. My poor brain cannot handle the sheer volume of noise and activity present in a place like this. Rather, it is only laying the foundation for what is to come. I do not yet know what that to come is, there are endless exciting possibilities. (Maybe a PhD and research? J )

To make a long story short, life has completely turned around, I’m feeling completely better and truly, by the grace of God, I still have a job. Also, no doubt thanks to all of your prayers, my car problems are over: God has provided me with the perfect car. Thank you all so very, very much and may God bless you abundantly for your love, prayers, and support. I have learned once again, that not only is prayer powerful, but that prayer for each other is even more powerful and that I cannot make this journey alone. I wanted to know God’s love for me, and He has shown me in a profound way, just how many people out there love and care for me. Thank you all so much, and do continue to keep me in your prayers as I launch out on my own beginning Sunday night.

The grace God has given me over the last few days makes me want to dance through the grass and sunshine, singing along with Motel from one of my favorite musicals, “Fiddler on the Roof”:

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles-
God took up Daniel once again,
Stood by his and side and- miracle of miracles-
Walked him through the lions den!
Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles-
I was afraid that God would frown,
But like he did so long ago, at Jericho,
God just made a wall fall down!
When Moses softened Pharaohs heart,
that was a miracle.
When God made the waters of the red sea part,
that was a miracle too!
But of all God's miracles large and small,
The most miraculous one of all
Is that out of a worthless lump of clay,
God has made a man today!